for the first time, i feel vulnerable.
for the shortest period of time, i thought i was in under control. but i’m not anymore. i don’t feel anything. i feel nothing. i feel numb.
i always wondered why i was so attracted to tragic stories - Romeo and Juliet, or any romance with such tragic endings. i’ve been so used to tragic endings, negative things in life, and sadness that i almost forgot what happiness feels like. or what normal really feels like.
i thought i was strong enough to get through something like this. for the past three months, my life was just full of extremes - highs and lows. i can’t even cry anymore. i barely smile.
I always felt like loving you, quietly, softly,
Breathing sonnets into your ears and spending hours trying to understand whether galaxies had their own kind of music, quiet and unheard amongst humans
But deafening and roaring amongst themselves.
I wonder what the galaxies sing about.
About their own wondrous beauty? Like a technicolor dream or maybe of the terrifying secrets that swirl within the fatal gasses and debris, that could kill human race with one hit.
I wonder what the stars whisper about amongst themselves, twinkling away gently.
Do they talk about us?
About how they are watching over us?
Or perhaps about the star crossed lovers, going through a rough patch.
Or maybe the stars that decided to align for the star crossed lovers.
Do they wonder about us like we wonder about them?
I wonder what the black holes, swirling mysteriously in our own galaxy whisper about.
They don’t actually. They are silent.
Perhaps they are the place where every scream goes to die, where every dream goes to break, where every heart goes to be broken,
And you know that saying about how silence is the loudest scream.
Is it safe to say all my thoughts, the ones I’ve hidden deep into the folds of my mind, are in a black hole somewhere, safely hidden from any prying human eyes, as if to protect me from mind readers?
What do the planets talk about?
Do they even talk to each other or are they like sour neighbors after an unfortunate July 4th incident?
I wonder if loving you is like loving the entire universe,
Every inch, every fold, each and every single fragment,
Every star, every planet, every particle of stardust that ever existed and is yet to exist
And the moment I started to question it was the moment I realized that I did.
And I hoped with all my heart that you did too.
"(Source: wnq-writers.com, via wnq-writers)
I don’t open up myself easily because I’m afraid of being vulnerable in front of strangers. I rarely let myself open up because at some point, people will take advantages of me. But I’m also tired of explaining how I became myself today and how my fears dominate some parts of me. I’m sick of telling people that I’m not interested in seeking for a new love - of course, I want to.
The world we live in… it’s hard to be spontaneous.
If I really wanted to be saved, then I would rather find my own way to save myself. What makes you think that you could save me, when other men failed in the past?